Beständigkeit or Meine Konstante

I am not a Lost fan.

 I watched the entire first season in a marathon at the request of Affe last winter. She also requested that I watch the second season before the third began.

 I never got around to it.

Don’t get me wrong. I enjoyed the first season. I am impressed with the complexity of the show. It is equally impressive how accessible it is to the “masses” as well as to learned people. 

I just never felt the need to join in the throng. Blame my stubborn resistance to “what everyone else is doing”.  

I have even watched occasional episodes since. Always at the behest of others. Never fully paying attention.

Until last night.

Dang. I’m in.

Desmond’s “unreality” and unstability really struck me. The need for a constant. Something(one) you trust, regardless of your reality, that lets you know that you are safe. Real. That the world is real. That everything around you is not a figment of your imagination.

Cogito ergo sum

The problem with that is that while it proves my existance, it does nothing to prove anyone elses.  I have often struggled with the concept that things outside of myself are real. If I did not experience it, is it real? Is this world just in my over active imagination? I am not a really compassionate or empathetic person and I think it stems from this…. uncertainty.

I have not had a relationship longer than two and 1/2 years.  I move every 6 months to 1 1/2 years.  The raze my belongings each time I move.

No permanace.

No stability.

No constant.

In watching Desmond struggle to save himself, to find his constant, to convince his constant I realized that is part of my issue in this (version) of life.

Where is my constant?

Who is my constant?

I want a cornerstone. A base to touch. A certainty that the world is real.

Maybe my constant is in being someone else’s Constant. Maybe by allowing someone to need me, to be their “reality check” I will in turn have mine.  Maybe the only way to prove that I am not the only thing that is real is by showing someone else that they are not the only thing that is real.

Ok I just confused myself.  LOL

What I do know is that I not only want to feel real but I want to know that I am not the only one.


~ by duncks on February 29, 2008.

One Response to “Beständigkeit or Meine Konstante”

  1. You’re not real – the entire universe has sprung from my imagination.

    *You made me give in and create a wordpress account. That’s love!

    -Eryn (whose name was already being used – the horror!)

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